


Surrendering the Spade

by SimplyTsundere



Series: Soldiers of the Spade [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Blood and Violence, Blurred Morals, Criminal Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Danger, Dark Marco Bott, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, French Levi & Isabel, Happy Murder Family, Interpol - Freeform, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Mild Gore, Moral Ambiguity, Organized Crime, Shameless Smut, Spade Boys, Suits, Training, World Travel, italian marco, love and cuddles, physical health issues, spades, we're back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-10-01 12:04:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17243888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyTsundere/pseuds/SimplyTsundere
Summary: It's been a difficult month for the members of the Spade organization. With Marco and Jean being remanded to Italy and facing down a once forgotten, too coincidentally symbolic, company, there has been much to do on the front lines. From world travel, new recruits, facing down a badge or death, tying up loose ends, and forging deeper bonds, the soldiers will face some of their greatest fears and adversaries yet as their tales come to a close. Jump back into the world of gentleman assassins with the thrilling final installment of the Soldiers of the Spade Series.- "What is debt?"- "Debt is repayment by pain and suffering."- "And sometimes?"- "Illegal tomfoolery."





	1. To New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Saving the Spade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5763391) by [SimplyTsundere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyTsundere/pseuds/SimplyTsundere). 



> Please, keep all appendages and belongings inside the ride at all times. I don't have much to say here, honestly, except that I hope you've missed me. I've got some things planned for the year along with finishing up outlines. I've had a lot of work and pressure on me with school and health issues, but I refuse to let it stop me. Updates may be slow going, but I promise I'm not quitting. This series, as many of you know, is so very near and dear to me. I even have a spade tattooed behind my ear for it; yes, how egotistical, I know. I'll be catching you up on the JeanMarco side of things with this first bit, so bear with me for a bit. New material is coming. I love you all. Happy New Year, now, let's ring it in right. Welcome back, to the Soldiers of the Spade. They've been waiting.
> 
> ~XOXO,  
> Neko

With Levi at his side, the world felt as if it’s spinning would continue. This was everywhere he was meant to be, and there was absolutely no denying that he was among friends and family when he stepped into the room. The sight nearly captured his breath. At first he’d merely cast a glance around his surroundings, but being able to take in the sight meant something else entirely. Among their company were several guests that he’d felt momentous amounts of shame for  forgetting their faces and deeds during the small period of time they’d vanished from his memories. Two men dressed in black, who best suited their new roles of the missing clubs, Erwin and Mike, sat at the back of the bar with their glasses full of amber spirit. Broad smiles and lifts of their chin, and glasses, in acknowledgment warmed the cockles of his heart. He’d barely known them and yet they’d risked everything to save him; he should devote time in the coming days to remedy the situation. 

Hanji, with her bandage fingertips and newly replaced glasses, sat dressed in a burgundy suit with her Joker mask over her face. The mask hovered just enough on her face for him to understand the importance of it. Divided in beautiful harlequin stripes of red and white, as the decoration was in a flowing black script, it seemed so fitting for the jesting woman. Her exuberant personality a true delight to the room. Surprisingly, however, his attention didn’t linger on his mentor much longer. Adding to the room's absolute brilliance was Levi's baby sister, Isabel, sitting in a stunning, sparkling black gown with her bright auburn hair pulled up and away from her face. It was the perfect accent to her striking, delicate, porcelain features. With a small half-smile from Isabel, Eren’s gaze continued to thoroughly scan the room.

It came as no shock to him that he found Ymir entangled with Krista on the sofa. What did come as a surprise was their matching ensemble. Donning a jaw-dropping, metallic, sanguine halter dress with a collar wrapped around her neck, and baring an almost scandalous thigh high slit, she was certainly dressed to kill. A thin shawl was draped daintily around her shoulders, but mostly Ymir covered her shoulders as she kept an arm around Krista. Matching vest and tie to the blood red of Krista’s gown, Ymir was in perfect complement to her heart. It struck him then: those were his hearts. He didn’t get to know much about them either, and yet he was placed in a higher station. There was still so much he had to learn, both from them and about them. Lastly, he should have paid attention to those providing a ‘cat ate the canary’ grin. He’d recognize that toothy smirk anywhere it lie.

Marco sat, one leg tossed over the other, with his only functional arm over Jean’s shoulder to keep him close. Restrained by a sling, Marco’s left arm remained in front of his chest, umber eye never wavering in his stare, his spade eyepatch rested over his right eye yet beneath his black and silver striped half-mask, leather gloves sheathed over his hands as always, and dressed in a sleek black suit with slight crimson accent; it was so incredibly Marco. What an odd couple, but something struck him then about Jean. A tenseness formed in his throat. No words formulated in his mind, and there was something he wanted to say about his matching spade attire, truly there was, just nothing seemed quite right to say.

As if reading his mind, Mikasa slipped in behind him to ruffle his hair before sauntering to the bar. It forced a narrowed glare her way while managing to let him breathe. The atmosphere was thick, nearly suffocating, in the tension of his departure. He could tell from some expressions that their reunion was a weight off. Levi had stepped back to allow the first person to run up to him then, to embrace him swiftly, and nearly crush what strength was left in him. Wasting no time at all, Hanji rose from her seat to wrap herself around Eren with a vice-like grasp. For a moment, there was silence before there were sobs wracking his chest. Everything he was, everything he had, he owed to this woman. Her tenacity, her grit, and her strength kept him alive through what was easily the worst experience of his life. How as he to thank her? To properly articulate or convey every emotion running through both his head and heart?

To put it simply, there wasn’t any way for that to be possible. Instead, Eren lay his head against her, wrapping his arms around her back while tears cascaded down his cheeks. Being embarrassed by crying in that moment wasn’t even a thought. No one there was going to say a word of it; they all understood the bond the two possessed, much more than a mere mentor and her student. For those watching the display unfold, the way Hanji's bandaged hands clutched at Eren was almost painful. The sobs and tears showed no sign of ceasing nor slowing when Hanji’s mouth opened.   
  
"I'm so glad you're okay, Eren," Hanji wailed as she clutched Eren tighter.   
  
"Could say the same for you," Eren muttered softly, attempting to conceal the strain in his voice.   
  
When the two parted, Hanji wiped the tears from Eren's cheeks "Ah, you know me, Eren, too crazy to die. Besides, I've still got a little bit to teach you before you're ready to take my place. You haven’t overcome the master just yet."   
  
Shaking his head, Eren stepped back "I can't do it without you, Hanji. There's so much I don't know and don't understand. You can't just leave. I  _ need _ you."   
  
Hanji gave him a soft, reassuring smile "I have to, Eren, I'm tired of always looking over my shoulder. You're the best person for the job and look around you, kiddo! There's not a person in this room who'd rather have anyone else. They love you."   
  
Taking a moment to do just that, Eren looked past her at everyone in the room and sighed "I can't....I don't know how---"   
  
"I said I'd be around for a bit to teach you. Did your hearing get fucked up while you were in there too? Now, you and I can talk later about it when we have time for ourselves. There's someone whose patience is wearing thin. He's waited to see you for weeks, but he had his own charge to take care of back in Europe," Hanji smirked teasingly before looking back at Jean. Oh, the way those devious caramel eyes glanced back to Jean. He should have known, but what did Jean have to say to him? What could he possibly say to Jean to express his gratitude. The man he loved got shot because of him. Jean took a knife to the thigh! How was he supposed to go about this?   
  
Getting to his feet, Jean adjusted his tie and walked silently up to Eren. Seeing him closer, Eren could definitely tell that Jean had bulked up a bit while he was out. Or was he simply appearing bigger due to the fact he, himself, had lost a good bit of weight. Liquid diets would do that to a man, and his suit was hanging off him now. Judging from the emotion floating in amber eyes, Jean was recognizing it too. Feeling a vertigo splash his mind, Eren began to having a hard time on his feet, so he kept shifting his weight. Jean’s action had thankfully rooted him and kept him from swaying, but it had also completely wiped his mind blank.   
  
Hugging Jean Kirschtein wasn't something he'd expected of himself, nor was the initiation expected at all, but the moment he felt the embrace Eren returned it swiftly. Warmth spread throughout him as he embraced his friend. Knowing Jean was likely thinking along the same lines, he'd wondered if it was sad they'd had to go through so much to realize where the depth of their friendship lied? Maybe they both had to realize that no matter what they'd have each other's back. Through the bickering, the pranks, the teasing, and their insult based humor, he and Jean had always been friends. Now, he was pretty sure their bond would be much deeper than coworkers who simply managed to get along, students who hung out together, or friends who only spoke when they saw each other. Sure, Jean had one hell of a loud mouth, he was overly honest, and the guy could swallow his own foot like no one he’d ever met, but that was just who Jean was. Brashness and assholery aside, Jean was one of the best friends he’d ever had. 

"You scared the hell out of us," Jean grumbled roughly when he released Eren. "I got a call from your sister, as I'm losing my mind in a helicopter, that you're in a fucking medically induced coma. Like, damn, Eren. I know you like to go big or go home, but, and this is just a request from everyone, maybe  _ don't _ get yourself shot!"   
  
Eren rolled his eyes playfully "Always a drama queen. If it makes you feel any better, I don't plan on getting shot again. Also, goddamn, you look like  _ shit. _ Have you been sleeping?" Dark circles beneath Jean’s eyes were evident, his skin had dulled a bit, and he seemed lethargic. Perhaps there was trouble in paradise, or maybe it was something else entirely, but Jean clearly needed to rest.   
  
"Are you fucking lecturing  _ me _ about my health?" Jean laughed as he regarded the smile creeping into Eren's features. "Besides, have you looked in a mirror? Your look like shit, your red tie is blinding, and I---"   
  
"Red?!" Eren shouted. "How the fuck did you know this was red, Jean?!" Last he’d checked, Jean was colorblind. Not just red-green, blue, or what have it color blind, but full on grey scale, monochromatic picturesque colorblind. Either he’d been under for way longer than he’d been told, or someone likely just told Jean his tie was red to screw with him. Yeah, the latter seemed more like it. Fuck with the kid just outta a coma? That smelled like spade from fifty paces.   
  
Stealing a glance back to Marco, who'd winked a solitary umber eye, Jean beamed brightly "Never knew your eyes were green, Eren."   
  
"Dude!!" Eren screeched excitedly, glimmer of curiosity in his eyes. "How the hell can you see color?!" It was incredible! Despite knowing he was incredibly strong opiates for pain, Eren knew by staring at Jean’s grin that he’d seen the color himself. This was no parlor trick.   
  
Hanji waved her fingers when Jean gestured towards her "Well, Hanji helped work on some contacts for me, but Marco was the mastermind behind it all.”   
  
"Ah yes, how forgetful of me. The Fucked Up Eyes club! He'd know all about that, huh?" Eren poked as he got a good laugh out of it before the laughs in the room died out. It wasn’t a time for laughs, but a time for sincerity "I'm really happy for you though, truly, I am. Is that all I missed while I was out?"   
  
Marco slinked up beside him and flicked Eren between the brows "Nope, it's not. You know what? You're looking at the most powerful man in all of Italy and the man he's to marry one day."   
  
Eren's eyes blew wide before his expression fell, glancing across his chest to Marco's arm "I heard about Nero, Marco, I'm so sorry. I got you hurt too, and Jean, you know, I never---"   
  
"Shut the shit," Marco groaned before he smirked and pushed a finger into his chest "I got shot for  _ Jean _ not for you. Just because we were there to get you doesn't mean anything. I'd have still run the risk of getting killed when I walked in there, but I got shot protecting Jean. He got stabbed protecting  _ me. _ You've nothing to be sorry about unless it's your condolences for Nero; that one I'll take. I owe you  _ so _ much more than my life, Eren, and back then? I wouldn't have had a problem giving it to you. Now, however, death is going to have to pry my life from me kicking and struggling. I've an entire country to run and a man to spend the rest of my life loving. I owe you for giving me the chance to find Jean, I owe you for putting us in that room, for making us chase you down. If you hadn't, I wouldn't be who I am right now and, boy, let me tell you, there is no one else I'd rather be.  _ Thank you, Eren.” _ It seemed the day of surprises wasn’t over. Marco-fucking-Bodt, biggest spree killer he’d ever known just thanked him. Without even a mention to kill him.

It was a bit of a shock for everyone to watch Marco hug Eren the best he could, but it was Eren who seemed the most unsure "I---Marco, I'm happy for you."   
  
"Good, now you can stop being sorry for me," Marco answered as he pulled back from the embrace wearing a cheeky grin. "Be happy. Not sorry, okay? If you really want something to squawk at then do so at Jean. He'll be undergoing Spade training with Levi to become the Jack of Spades. Only fair to have both mine and Levi's boys welcomed on the same day, hmm? Isn't that right, Levi?" What the fuck did he just say?! Eyes widening owlishly, Eren only stared slack-jawed at Marco. Was he fucking serious?! Jean, a spade?! Holy fucking hell, the world turned on its ass completely while he was under.    
  
Levi shrugged his shoulders casually, stepping back over to Eren’s side, "Well, mine is already a sure bet. Yours could wash out at any point within his training."   
  
"Fucking hell I will," Jean barked back boldly "I've got more grit than you think. If I can pin Marco and Ymir in a knife fight then I think I've got a little bit of talent to speak of."   
  
"I can't wait to see how much, Jean, after all, you know that flexibility you practice with Marco in the sheets won't help you against someone my size who is almost as fast as Marco. I'm smaller, I maneuver much easier than that bean stalk. Your training begins at 4am, sharp, and we'll take a gander at the gym you're working on. Make sure you're ready to spend a few hours getting battered, bloodied, and bruised," Levi warned with an impish smile alight on his lips. "Eren, if you'll join Jean and I on the sofa while Marco gives a report about some things. A lot has happened while you've been out, but we'll go over it later, okay?"   
  
"Okay," Eren replied as both Jean and Levi helped him over to the sofa. Eren sat nestled between Hanji and Levi. Jean took his previous seat the end of the sectional while Marco gathered everyone's attention at the center of the room. If something like a briefing was occurring at his reunion reception, whatever had happened, was huge. It was a bit intimidating to know how much he’d missed out on, but there were going to be many days ahead to catch up. In fact, sitting on the plush cushion relaxed him just a bit. Enough to take Levi’s hand in his own, finding the comfort in their intertwined fingers while Marco cleared his throat. Comfortable, Eren followed the others’ actions and shifted all his attention to Marco.   
  
After clearing his throat, Marco began "First off, I'm happy to see everyone with us. The  _ family _ is all here, finally. After what happened in France a lot of us are still reeling and healing; that’s perfectly alright because many of us do need to heal. It's nice to see that we've come out on top though, isn't it? Unfortunately, I wouldn't have anything to report if that were true. Reports of Grisha Jaeger are uncertain. Sightings have been made, medical supplies bought, but then we've lost him. As for Miss Annie Leonhart, we've got reports of her in the Ukraine and in St. Petersburg. Now, the nail in our coffin is neither of these pathetic curs. While Jean and I were out the night of the vote, to secure my position, we ran into a young boy interested in joining my organization. Only…..things didn't add up with his story. The boy was an assassin for an organization long since dead. The Janus coin was found engraved into the nail bed of his ring finger and, after hours of extensive searching and torture, he refused to speak. Jean shot him in the end when he outlived his usefulness. We learned nothing, so I sent out my spies. I still only know this: whoever is after us now, are doing so because of a vendetta. This is personal for someone. Somewhere is a puppet master pulling the strings of the marionettes, calling themselves the Mercenaries of Callippus of Syracuse."   
  
It was Hanji who took the first crack at the information, sitting up in her seat after a heavy sip of her drink "I see. A vendetta is likely for an organization reclaiming that moniker. It could be someone we left behind, or Kenny himself could have had backup organizations in place during the event of his failure or a coup. I truly don't know, but I'll do what I can to look into it as well. You're going to have your hands busy with work back home, Marco. Just be sure to set some spies on the ground."   
  
Rising from the sofa, Levi untangled himself and stood at Marco's side proudly "Suits, we are once again in danger. This organization had the audacity to send a  _ child _ after Marco and Jean. They  _ insult _ us. They _ mock _ us. We will not let them, but in order to do that we need to protect ourselves. Some of you may have heard, but Jean has been so generous as to allow us to live in the estate that was bequeathed to him. There is more than enough room and amenities to keep one busy. Most of your apartments are compromised, so return there tomorrow and pack for a move. I'm going to give you all an order that I want you to exhaust your resources on: Ymir and Krista I need you two checking what connections you have in Australia, Isabel I need you to find that Russian boytoy of yours and see what he can get us in Russia and the Balkans, Hanji you're up to get to the crazy Irish bitch you're so fond of, I'll check out France and some of the bigger players around the Caribbean and Africa, Erwin and Mike I need you to check within the states and South America, and Mikasa I want you to use what contacts you've got in Japan and China. All together we should wind up with an interesting global profile on whoever is running this. It'll be off to Jean's estate we go, so ready yourselves, and let’s head out. You've got your orders."   
  
In unison, those suits present responded with a deafening "Yes sir." For a moment, everyone was making sure they had their things together before gathering their bearings and making their leave. It was nice to get a smile and hello from everyone. Isabel was entirely too cautious with her touch, afraid that even a delicate hug may have its adverse effect on him. He’d wished she’d thought that way when she left him with a hand print across his face back in Paris. Oh well, he hugged her gently and excitedly exchanged pleasantries with everyone else. There would be time to catch up later; he had exhausted his energy and then some. Pushing the boundaries of his physical strength only ten days out of a coma wasn’t exactly smart. Luckily, there were two people willing to assist him down to the parking lot. 

Stairs still proved to be too a great an adversary to face himself. The wobble and sway may have been  gone from his step, but he'd still needed help down each step. There was too much strain on muscles that had atrophied, but both Mikasa and Levi were more than patient with his current level of the healing process. Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, and pushed past the entering patrons, Levi had volunteered to drive him to the estate while Mikasa grabbed some things for them. Without much say in the matter, Eren simply nodded his head. He wanted to get away from the noisy, migraine inducing nightclub. Jean had done them such an immense generosity, and his body was going to be happy about not having to return to the club for some time.

On the way to Jean’s estate, Eren leaned his head against the window for the duration of the trip. Levi kept a hand on Eren’s knee and, for once, kept the car at an appropriate speed. The last thing any of them needed was Eren getting car sick. With Levi next to him, Eren found himself comforted by his sheer presence alone. Glancing over to him, eyes affixed on the road, posture rigid, and expression stern, Eren knew that Levi had yet to let himself relax. Fingertips tapping atop the steering wheel gave way to the fact he was anxious. Rarely did he catch Levi off his game, but it appeared that he was worried about something. Concern and worry etched into the lines around his eyes and lips, sinking the normal furrow in his brow even farther. 

Reaching down, Eren placed his hand atop Levi’s on his knee. Casting him a quick smile, a genuine smile reserved only for him, Levi looked over and back to the road in just a moment. Arriving to the estate relieved him of a held breath, but the fingerprint collection made them all a bit nervous. Gentle and warm eyes of the older ashen blonde man allowing them entrance, however, seemed to lessen it. Levi appeared to know the man, and Eren was fairly certain he knew who he was. There were only so many people in his old life that Jean would have willingly kept around. They were given a slew of numbers, informed it was the gate’s access code, then instructed where to park before unpacking. 

The older gentleman helped each of them to their rooms with a smile on his face. It seemed that Eren knew exactly who Jon was, despite having never heard his name. Jean and Eren had exchanged countless stories the years they’d known each other, so it wasn’t difficult to place the name with the warmth of the man. He was kind to them all, leading them each to predetermined bedrooms for them all, and informing them if they were ever to need anything there was an intercom system to the house that would page him directly. Fucking hell if Jean didn’t get the benefit of Marco slicing up the old man; the estate was a marvel. 

He’d have time to explore the some 14 rooms in the estate later. At the moment, he’d been too tired to do much of anything which including even walking correctly. A singular stumble as Levi was loosening his tie forced his reflexes to kick in and prevent Eren from face-planting in their new room.

“Whoa, Eren, be careful!” Levi shouted quickly before grabbing his elbow to steady him.

Shaking his head a bit, before realizing the action only increased his vertigo, Eren groaned “Shit. Sorry, I guess there’s been too much excitement.”

Clicking his teeth, Levi agreed “Tsk, don’t apologize for that, and it most certainly has been a long day. You’ve been through a lot.” That phrase. He didn’t like it, as it assumed that Levi hadn’t been through the wringer himself.

Placing a hand on Levi’s cheek, he managed a smile “So have you.” Feeling the brush of skin as Levi leaned into the touch, Eren hummed. He’d missed that. Missed Levi too much for there to be words in any language to describe the hollow ache that’d burned the hollow of his chest. Levi had been through hell, but he was going to have to rely on him for help. Just the idea burned his throat, the acrid taste refusing to leave him. Unsteady, unfocused, in mass amounts of pain, Eren was no good to anyone in his state. Still, he’d already taken so much from Levi, he’d be remiss to take anything more from him when he was still attempting to heal as well. 

A knock at the door sounded while the two were lost gazing longingly at one another. By the second knock, Levi was jostled from the trance and went to the door. Revealing Mikasa with bags of Eren’s things, Levi assisted her with carrying it across the room. Moving into an estate, no matter how large, with several people seemed so wrong. Then again, they were the best guarded there under one roof, and if someone was truly after them then their estate fortress would be able to deter for a bit. Living with Levi though, sharing a bedroom, well that part of the deal didn’t seem to be a negative. Giving it a chance would be best until they knew what they were even up against. 

Noticing his daze, Mikasa placed her hand apprehensively on Eren’s shoulder “Hey, Eren, you feeling alright?”

Huffing, Eren shrugged “I’m sore, achy, groggy, there’s no part of me that isn’t in pain, but it’s only been a few days, so I guess there’s that. Don’t even give me that look.”  
  
Frown creasing her lips, Mikasa hugged him without another thought “Okay, don’t forget to take your medication, no drinking, no driving, and a minimum of eight hours of sle---”

Sensing Eren’s growing irritability, Levi nodded “He’ll be alright, Mikasa, you need to make your flight.”

Brow sinking in concern, Eren questioned “You’re working tonight?”

Mikasa smiled “Yeah, but it’s just a five hour flight. I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. Krista’s coming too. It’s really to keep the airline off our backs.”

“Okay, be careful, love you,” Eren managed with a final hug.

Glaring back at Levi, Mikasa scowled “Anything happens to him, Levi---”

“And you’ll try to kill me, yes, darling, I know. _We’ve met._ Just got make your plane and be safe. He’s in good hands,” Levi teased with a smirk ushering her towards the door. 

“Mhmm,” she hummed skeptically before finishing “sleep well, you two. Remember to take your meds, Eren! All of them! Night!” Rolling his eyes while Levi shut the door, Eren moved to unearth the plethora of pill bottles rattling about in the luggage. When he located the bag, he placed the bottles atop the vanity in the corner of the room. Staring at the sea of orange and white bottles, Eren felt his stomach churn. Another reminder of how weak he was. 

Sneaking up behind him, Levi wrapped his arms around Eren’s hips “Want me to grab you a glass of water?”

“I can manage---”

“In this big ass maze?” Levi chuckled with a quirked brow. “You can barely handle walking without help, let alone stairs.” Another enforcement of his weakened condition, and how he’d need help to do nearly everything. He was thankful Jean had been mindful and given them a room on the bottom floor far away from the others. Being the only room on the corridor was nice, but it also meant more work to come and go. 

Pouting at the realization, Eren sighed “Don’t you think I know that?”

Wincing as he noticed Eren’s tone, Levi backtracked “Sore spot. I get it, but it diminish the truth. I’ll flag down Jon.” Pressing a kiss to his shoulder, Levi turned on his heels and quietly slipped out the door to track down his water. A chalky skittles pack rested in front of him. Having removed the pills from their bottles, Eren stared down at the assortment in his hand. How long before he’d be free of them? Only time would tell, so he placed the pills onto the counter top before deciding to get ready for bed. The blazer was easily slung off and the buttons of his shirt were easily finished. 

Thankfully, there really wasn’t anything to pull overhead. He slipped free of his slacks relatively easily as well; a benefit of the clothing being a bit too loose on him since the shooting. Losing the weight was expected, as was the atrophy, but goddamn if he didn’t feel like shit for being reliant on others. He knew better than to let it get to him, but the nagging persistent thoughts had a way of echoing and returning when his mind was silent. Staring at himself in the mirror just made him realize he’d definitely lost more weight than he figured, but whatever weight he lost Jean had found in muscle mass.  Something else to be expected if he was training as a spade. Everything still felt as though he was in a strange dream.

Levi returned with glass of water to break his thoughts “Hey, Space Cadet, you alright?” 

“Oh,” Eren sighed “yeah. Thanks.” Throwing back the handful of pills and chasing them back with the water, Eren grimaced and sat the glass down on the vanity. Levi appeared to be somewhat pained. Catching his reflection gave him cause for worry, so he carefully stepped over to Levi “I’m alright, but are you? You look--”

Voice soft, a slight tremble in his words, Levi managed a bitter smile “I’ve not seen the damage before now is all. It’s my fault, Eren, I’m so sorry.” The strain and shake of his voice told Eren all he needed to know. Refusal to meet his gaze? Levi was blaming himself for the decision that he, himself, had made to protect Levi? Though there wasn’t much he could do, Eren picked up Levi’s hand in his own and gestured towards the bed. 

Taking a seat at the foot of the bed, Eren managed to smile as brightly as he could when Levi sat next to him “Levi, look at me, please.” The moment Levi held his gaze, Eren cupped his cheek “I love you, and I don’t blame you for what happened. I made that decision myself, and I knew the chances of coming out unscathed didn’t exist. You mattered more to me. The risks were explained to me when I chose this…..when I chose  _ you _ . A couple bullet wounds that are almost gone? The scars are quite gnarly, yours is actually worse, but I’m okay. You’re here with me and that’s all I need.”    
  
As he placed a kiss to Levi’s forehead, he heaved a sigh “Thank you. My scar is only worse because the muscle damage and length. You sustained a lot yourself, muscle damage, so when does your PT start? I’ll drive you.”

“Monday,” Eren answered swiftly. “I know about the damage, believe me when I say that doing a lot winds me, but you know I’d do it all over again, right? You mean everything to me, Levi, and if it meant keeping you I’d choose it again.” Speaking honestly with Levi had never been a problem, and he loved doing so. For one reason, Levi would always know what he thought and how he was feeling, but for the other reason? Well, Levi turned atomic cherry red at even the slightest mention of his true affection. The tint in his cheeks and aversion to look up at him, he found it to be irresistible   


“You---Ugh,” Levi droned with a huff before glancing up to Eren’s proud, loving smile “yeah, same for me, too. You are the light of my life, never forget that without light the darkness can’t exist, good and bad exist everywhere. I don’t deserve you risking your life for me, Eren.”

Scoffing at the ludicrous though, Eren shook his head “Yes, you did, because to me you’re worth everything I am. I’ve told you before that you cannot decide your worth to me, only I can do that. Now, I’m exhausted. Let’s go to bed.” Levi nodded with a chuckle and got to his feet. While Eren moved to get more comfortable in bed, Levi still needed to undress. Their relationship had seen leaps and bounds, but Eren had to admit that he still found himself giddy when Levi disrobed slowly as he was. Turning his head, Levi noticed Eren propped up in bed, watching his motions carefully. With a shake of his hips as he finished sliding out of his pants, Levi clicked his teeth.  
  
Once he climbed into bed, Eren caught himself staring once again at the diagonal scar across Levi’s torso. It’d had a month to heal, and it looked to be healing wonderfully. There wasn’t much a chance to stare at it any longer, as Levi turned on his side and buried his face into Eren’s chest.   
  
“I love you, too, Eren,” Levi muttered softly before tucking his head beneath Eren’s chin. Carefully embracing him, Eren pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. He was so precious sometimes; he forgot he was a killer. That’s how this entire thing began. It was an outlandish thing, completely batshit, to think that his life was changed the moment someone else’s was ending. Perhaps it was the cocktail of medication in his system, but he found there to be a sense of poetry in their meeting. The end was where it began, and he’d give anything to protect it. Their new beginning in life was now taking another form.


	2. New Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, to those who know me personally, you know why I've not updated. To those of you who do not, I got into an accident that came with some substantial injuries, including ripping off a fingernail. My right, dominant, hand has been seriously injured, so there isn't much I can do for the bit. I have experienced some serious Spade injuries, and now I feel bad for taking Eren and Hanji's fingernails. On the upside, I now have firsthand experience in how to care for these wounds and how they feel. Downside, less work with my hands, but I hope you'll forgive me. Without further delay, the next chapter.

Come the next morning, Eren awoke to find himself alone in bed. Part of living beneath the same roof was the pleasure of waking up to Levi, or so he had hoped. It had taken him longer than he would have liked to recall that Levi told Jean his training would begin at 4am sharp. Getting up that early after everything they’d both been through, purely to fight and exhaust themselves, seemed like they were pushing the boundaries for their bodies, but perhaps that was the point in it all. He couldn’t claim to know what the training would be like, except the fact that he wanted to know what it was like. When he felt better, he wanted to have a long talk with Ymir and Krista about being the head of their suit and just what that entailed.

For the moment, however, Eren needed to get up and start his day. Beginning with another handful of pills, a shower, and breakfast at the top of the itinerary. Rolling over, Eren noticed that Levi had already fetched him a glass of water and left a note beneath a white rose for him to discover when he woke. Eren couldn’t believe that he’d not run out of those yet. He could read the note after taking his medication and having a shower, as it wasn’t like it was going to be going anywhere in the time being. Climbing out of bed was the most difficult he was faced with, and he’d struggled for a bit before managing to drag himself from the comforts of his bed. The moment the rush of movement assaulted him and his desire to move was fueled only by the urgent, immediate need to vomit the lack of stomach contents. In that moment, he was glad he hadn’t taken his pills yet. 

Just how he needed to start his morning. Splendid. He loved hurling first thing in the morning! Grumbling and fumbling about, Eren found something simple to toss on once he got out of the shower. It wasn’t much, but at least it was something. Showering in and of itself winded him, and took him much longer to achieve his goal than he felt comfortable admitting. How was he supposed to keep up with Levi in his state? Or anyone else for that matter. His body absolutely refusing to do much in the form of helping him in any way, shape, or form. Part of him wished that Levi had been there to help him. It would have been nice to just lazily bask in each other and affectionate gestures. Receiving help from Levi came with its benefits as well.

After throwing on a pair of flint colored sweatpants and a white tank top, Eren made for the nightstand where his pills and Levi’s sweet message lied. Throwing back the umpteen different pills once he’d freed them of their bottles, Eren glanced down and lifted the rose to his nose. It barely had a scent, but it was one he’d never forget. In a way, it smelled like Levi. Clean, refreshing, and just a hint of underlying sweetness. He carefully placed the rose into a glass vase beside the lamp, leave it to Levi to be prepared, and then lifted the note left for him.

 

> _ Eren, _
> 
> _ This morning began Jean’s formal training in the organization. For a large portion of the day I will be unavailable to you, and for this I apologize. If you’d like to come watch Jean have his ass handed to him, we’ll be in the gym. Be careful.  _
> 
> _ ~Eternally yours, _
> 
> _ LRA _

 

He recalled that being familiar too; Levi signing off with his initials. Sometimes the things he said had an unexpected aftereffect, such as using the phrase “eternally yours.” Rereading it purely for the ending, Eren found himself regarding the note dearly. It wasn’t everyday that his assassin lover would leave words so sweet on his bedside table. Before leaving to take Levi up on that offer, because he certainly wasn’t going to miss seeing Jean and Levi spar, he needed to run over his messages and check his phone. Without much surprise there had been several text messages from Armin and Connie asking if he was doing better. Even the owner of Digital Dreams had called and left a voicemail wishing him well among other “get well” type of sentiments. Doing the best he could to reply to them all, and remain honest in doing so, Eren told them he was feeling better than yesterday, but still pretty much felt like he’d been flattened by a steamroller like an old tube of toothpaste. 

Completing the first major goals of the day, Eren decided to see if he could locate the gym in the labyrinth of a home Jean had them all living in. Navigating the place seemed dangerous in and of itself, and he began to wonder how Jean managed as a kid. Thinking to himself that it might be easier to hear them than see them, Eren figured that there was no way he’d miss hearing them sparring. Opting to take a couple turns, Eren eventually wound up down a corridor with his hand along the wall in an attempt to steady himself. So far he’d only managed to locate the library and an office along the way.Despite knowing that he shouldn’t have gone off by himself, Eren wanted to actually manage to do something for himself.

Thankfully for Eren’s health, Jon had rounded the corner just as he’d doubled over to catch his breath. Without a moment’s hesitation, Jon led Eren to the gym with a smile and an arm to assist him. Eren waved him off once he was able to sneak inside undetected, at least for the moment. In front of him, it was clear that they were too focused on the acts at hand to care about anything else happening in the background. Levi and Marco definitely knew he was there, but Jean likely didn’t, not yet, so he decided to watch. Jean and Levi were down to nothing but shorts, knives in their hands, circling one another, skin beaded in sweat. Marco was standing just outside the thick blue mats, observing them before issuing a command of “go.” 

In the second Marco gave the directive, Jean lunged, knife at the ready. Swiftly dodging the broad strike, Levi swept Jean’s left leg out from under him only for Jean to bounce back in an instant. A month of intensive training with Marco and Ymir must’ve whipped him into nearly top shape. The fact Levi hadn’t killed him yet was a testament to the degree of training he’d had.

Marco appeared to visibly notice him, flashing his feline smile, before heading over to him “Good morning, Eren. How are you feeling?”

“Still a bit like a death,” Eren heaved with a sigh “you?”

“Been better,” Marco shrugged off quickly “but I’ve also been worse. Come to watch the spectacle?”

Nodding, Eren answered “Yeah, can’t believe that he wants to kill people.”

Scoffing, Marco glanced over to Eren “He’s killed about six or seven people to date, Eren. Maimed about four. Jean saved my life in Paris, and it was him who killed the assassin sent to dispatch us. From what you remember of Jean, he’s changed in that manner, but he isn’t really different from the guy you remember being your friend. In order to protect me and himself, Jean wants to be a Spade. It’ll make himself a harder target to him, since being with me makes him one. The same applies to you, which you no doubt understand, so can you really blame for wanting to help the man he loves in his right?”

“Of course I can’t,” Eren deadpanned “I’d do the same thing in a heartbeat, but I’m in no condition for it. He’s actually not too shabby.”

Chuckling, Marco gave him a gentle nudge “Sliced me open a time or during our training, when I actively tried to kill him.” Leave it to Marco to actually try to kill his boyfriend during training, likely under the guise that the actual opponent would be trying to kill him too.

 

“Because of course,” Eren sighed before reminding him “you did only have one arm though.” 

“That is fair!” Marco cackled, drawing attention to them both for a moment. “I got some mobility coming back though. Yours were through-and-throughs right?”

Nodding, Eren replied “Yeah, you had it way worse than I did. Hear Jean’s thigh has seen better days.”

“Usually wrapped around my head,” Marco snarked with an impish smirk “but he healed up quick.” Marco’s playful tone dropped drastically when he spoke again “Stop worrying about us, Eren. You had it worse, okay? If anyone should be fussed over here, it’s you. I know you don’t feel like that, and I know it’s being difficult on you relying on everyone, but if Jean showed me anything during my healing process, it’s that you need to rely on them. When you’re there for your friends, your friends are there for them when you need them. You almost died for us, Eren, we’ve got your back. Just let us do some things to help, and you’ll be amazed by how quickly the process will fly.”

Stunned by the emotional display, Eren grumbled “But if I hadn’t gotten--”

Not having Eren’s backtalk, the normal Marco returned “Shut it before I rip your tongue out. That wasn’t your fault.”

“So everyone keeps telling me,” he whispered before finding himself almost an eyelash short **“WHOA!**

Catching the knife as it whizzed by, Marco shouted to Jean “Hey! Watch it, baby, you almost took Eren’s eye out!”

Blinking back the surprise, Eren stumbled over his words “How, uh, how in the hell did you know it was Jean’s?

“Like he’d be able to disarm Levi for one,” Marco snickered “but for two, this blade is one I had custom created for Jean, see?” Turning the wickedly black blade until the shining silver revealed an engraving, Eren couldn’t believe it until he could. One of the most absolute batshit assassins he knew bought his lover a knife. The engraving was in Italian, except Jean’s name, so unfortunately he couldn’t read it. On the other hand, it was probably best that he didn’t know what it said. His luck it’d be something disgusting, but the craftsmanship of the blade was unmistakable. Even the way it was designed was interested, and it displayed every bit of Marco’s influence. With a dangerously upturned, curved blade, the knife was a gnarly weapon, especially in the hand of a novice.

Shaking his head, Eren could only laugh “Leave it to you to buy your boyfriend an engraved killing instrument.”

“Well,” he casually corrected “he has a certain love for the Honshu Aizu blades. I had that one custom created, after all, my fiance deserves the best.”

“I’m sorry?!” Eren shrieked in a low tone. “I thought you were just teasing earlier!”

“Gonna be a lengthy engagement, but yeah, fiance,” Marco stated proudly. Eren could see the glimmer in his umber eye. Judging even by his posture, Marco truly did love Jean. That was something he could be happy for, considering all the shit had put up with in his life, he finally deserved something that could make him see the better part of life. Before he could comment on that Marco’s grin only broadened “To top it off, we’ve not one spade wedding to plan, but two. Ymir and Krista as well.”

“Fucking hell,” Eren smirked “you Italians have been busy, huh? Congratulations, to you both. I can’t believe you wanna put up with Jean forever, holy hell.”

Pitching Eren forward from back slap, Marco proudly stated “It’d be an honor, so thank you. Without you, I’d have never found him.” At Eren’s wheeze of pain on the smack, Marco hastily recoiled “Ohh, ouch, sorry about that. Are you okay?”

Taking a breath, Eren responded with a dismissing hand “Still fairly weak, but I wasn’t gonna turn down this. How is Jean doing with everything? I know he’s resilient, but I need to know if he’s really alright.”

“Boy was worried about you forever,” Marco mentioned “but he had my bitch ass to deal with, so his priorities were scattered for a bit. He’s managed well, and he’s learning. He’s getting better everyday, and, between you and me, he might have been born for it. Flexible, heightened senses, and desire to protect; those things are great. The only thing we really need to work on is his sense of smell, considering he can’t stand much blood. It’s about the only thing to make him gag.”

“Ha!” Eren chortled at the joke Marco managed to fit in. “I can see that though, he’s like a bloodhound, lack of color sight and all. He’d work best with sniping or just simple threats, taking someone out without a lot of blood, so he couldn’t ever be a torturer. You could though….and Levi could---”

“Look at you!” Marco jested as he draped his arm over Eren’s shoulder. “Already on the job in less than 24 hours. Don’t tell us you can’t do this job when your brain is now hardwired for it.”

Flinging Marco’s arm off of him, Eren grumbled “Yeah, yeah, guess it has kinda become second nature at this point.

“It only gets easier,” Marco shrugged before dragging Eren closer to Jean and Levi’s death match “but you came to watch so lets watch.” Stumbling off balance, Eren regretted that Marco had just forced his hand in relying on him to not fall into Jean or Levi. Hair pulled back, away from his face, Levi could focus on Jean without the small tendrils of his hair falling into his face. From the looks of it, he could use another haircut, which in turn made him wonder about Marco. It wasn’t like Marco needed the money, but he was likely to go stir crazy if he was locked up like a rodent.

Jean appeared to be having a difficult go of it when he returned his attention to them. Observing Levi in the headspace, he had to admit ran some warmth in his veins, and he began to notice that Levi could move extraordinarily well after everything. He’d said that working out would help, but was eight hours of Jean’s training really going to help him? Only Levi could answer that for himself, but it looked to be doing wonders. Time would only tell if it would be forcing too much on him too quickly, but from his vantage point of watching Jean land on his back, Levi’s knives at both the carotid and femoral arteries, it was easy to tell that he’d not lost his edge at least.

Upon taking a break, Levi wiped the sweat from his brow and left Jean to clean his wounds “Morning, Eren, how’re you feeling?”

Glancing to a bleeding, battered, sweating profusely version of Jean, Eren hummed “Hmm, decidedly better than Jean.”

“No doubt about that,” Levi snickered with a backwards glance to Jean “because he’s been sliced, hit, kicked, and bounced off these mats for about four hours now. You take your meds?”

Rolling his eyes at the question, Eren sighed “Yes, mom, I did. How’s Jean not dead yet?”

“Pure dumb luck,” Levi hypothesized “and pure stubbornness. When do you wanna get to working out?”

Flabbergasted, Eren didn’t really have a way to answer “I, uh….”

“If you don’t, Eren, you’ll lose more than you already are. We can go for a walk later? Get you used to doing that again. We’ll start slow,” Levi reassured him with a gentle smile.

“Snails pace,” Eren groaned “but that does sound nice. Just let me know, okay?”

“Let me finish kicking Jean’s ass for the day, get my papers for the Ranch organized---”

Interrupting, Eren rolled his eyes “I can help with that much at least, you know.”

“You sure about that?” Levi posed apprehensively. 

Eren gave him a smile and short nod “I don’t mind, Levi, you love your job and there’s no reason to give it up.”

“Thank you,” came the soft sigh. “Do you have other plans for the day?”

Pausing for a moment in thought, Eren wracked his brain “Uh, I think I’m gonna go talk to Hanji. Looking into contracts, field some data, and get to the basics of learning all this work. How long will be Jean be in training?”

Raising his voice sharply, Levi shouted “Jean! Here! Now!”

Jean trudged over to him after Marco put the finishing touches on a bandage “Yeah?”

Announcing it everyone as he kept his voice raised, Levi’s lips curled into a wicked grin “Eren, to answer your question, Jean will be on training for quite a long time, but as for our personal training that will depend on how good he is in the field. He’ll partner with me in one week for his first practical application test. Find us something good but quick. Just enough for him to dip his toes into the water, yes?”

Before Eren could nod in confirmation, Jean’s amber eyes blew wide **_“A week?! What!”_**

Placing his hand against Jean’s cheek, Marco directed his attention “Look at me. You can do it. Trust me, amore.” Lifting a chain beneath Jean’s shirt, Eren’s eyes fell to the ring at its center. An onyx band with a red ruby encrusted stripe around the band and a calligraphic M embossed in platinum the center told Eren exactly what he needed to know. “Remember, I will always be there.” Jean gave a swift nod as Marco placed a delicate, comforting kiss to the crown of his head. It was odd for Eren to witness Marco’s caring demeanor; he had to be the most brutal assassin in the company! 

Taking a breath, Eren looked to Levi “Alright, understood. Anything else?”

Levi shook his head “No, that’s it. Head back when you feel like it, and be careful today, okay?” With a momentary flash of a smile, Levi had shattered his frozen facade, but it was back in a second once he called to Jean “Jean! Let’s get back to it. Take your stance!” Jean had practically had a wind up dial on his back when Levi barked his orders. His posture had straightened in an instant before joining Levi on the mats, now coated with sweat and blood. Deciding that he should watch the training a bit, and to allow himself to prepare for the, no doubt, exhausting trek to Hanji’s room, Eren took a seat and began to observe the pair’s sparring. 

Surprisingly, Jean could most definitely hold his own. While he was still getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter, Eren knew that there was a snowflake’s chance in hell that he could ever even withstand their disarming training. After being forced to go through their blade release and grift training, he’d endured enough of it for one lifetime. Still, the idea of Jean being trained as an assassin was a wild one. Perhaps with his flexibility, that he displayed openly on the mats, he would be able to move with some ease. Maybe later he’d crack a dancing queen joke or something, if he found himself able to do so, but if he were honest with himself, he was completely wiped from just a walk to the gym. 

Giving up on spending more time watching Jean’s training, Eren opted to locate Hanji’s room. During the journey, he still couldn’t tolerate his own body’s weakness. It was mind boggling just what a month of atrophy could do a human; reducing them a masterless marionette. He felt as if his limbs would simply collapse at a moment’s notice, and his hands still needed to remained bandaged in order to prevent any issues from arising with his torn nail beds. Hanji as well needed frequent changing of the bandages on her fingertips, but at least they would grow back in about two to four more months. He’d been less than thrilled at that prognosis, but at least they’d be back eventually. Covering his fingertips in neomycin ointment and keeping them covered was quite annoying. 

The only other person who was still reeling from after effects of the raid was Hanji. Marco, of course, still needed pain medication and physical therapy before he’d be alright, and Levi still frequented a physical therapist as well to strengthen the muscles in his abdomen; it didn’t change the fact that Hanji was the only other one who’d endured the same torture. At least she could understand his emotional state. The others were more sympathetic than they were able to understand, which was just as important, but he needed someone who understood to help validate his feelings. For some reason or another, Eren felt as though he didn’t have a leg to stand on when it came to feeling so weak and torn down. Speaking with Hanji might at least lessen that nagging drag. 

Upon turning the corner of the hallway, and making it into the kitchen, he noticed the ever exuberant, bright eyed mentor he was searching for. Thankfully, he’d not had to locate her himself! 

“Heya, kiddo!” Hanji cheered as she popped up from behind the fridge. Shutting the door, she took her soda to the counter and jumped atop a stool “How are ya feeling?”

Joining her at the bar, Eren sighed “Like I’ve been answering that question for an eon, and thankful I found you. What about you?”

“I know the feeling,” she answered with a smirk before popping the top on the aluminum can “but I’m fairing pretty well these days. So long as you’re not screaming in agony I guess all is well. I know you can weather the brunt of a storm without showing it on your face, but right now? You look horrible.”

“Immeasurably drained,” Eren grumbled before taking an orange from the fruit bowl to his left. Peeling the fruit, he continued “I feel like I’ve been run over by a MAC truck. My head is pounding, my muscles refuse more than walk across the hall, and my mental state is just exhausted. Getting from my room to the gym left me out of breath and my entire body trembling.”

Speaking the obvious, Hanji took a sip of her drink and clicked her teeth “You were in a coma for a month, Eren. It’s not unheard of to be this weak or even weaker. Your tests were good! You showed great levels of improvement in a short amount of time; it’s part of why you were released so quickly. You’re on what? Almost the second week of being fresh outta comatose? Appreciate your progress. You’re doing tremendously.”

Puzzled, Eren cocked his head to the side “You were studying my medical records?”

“Of course I was,” she spoke with a soft tone “I was worried about you. They wouldn’t let in visitors that weren’t family, so I did some sniffing around. Monitored you myself. I know what happened, and I’m the only one who does here, so yeah. I never even got to tell you thank you for the last bit. You did good, Eren, and your body is still acclimating. Be easy on yourself.”  
  
Recalling their last conscious moment together, Eren offered to take the brunt of the torture so she wouldn’t have to “Anyone would have done it, Hanji, you don’t have to thank me. I’m trying, but it’s so fucking frustrating!” Just as he’d mentioned it, the orange slice in his hand went flying free across the kitchen floor “Goddamn it!"

Waving a dismissing hand, Hanji rose from her seat to discard of the fruit piece “It’s alright. Calm down. Why don’t you tell me why you were looking for me?”

“I was just wondering if you could help me out with some things,” Eren replied, carefully watching his fingers as he fumbled with the fruit. “Levi said that he needed to do some paperwork for The Ranch, and I offered to take care of it for him.”

Grin splitting her lips, Hanji nodded “Sure thing! C’mon, I’ll show you how to do it. I’m sure you’ll wind up filling more out….or will you?” Eren cut his losses with the last couple slices and focused on Hanji’s extended arm, ready to help him to her room. His eyes nearly bugged from his skull when they stopped at the flight of stairs ahead of them. If just walking down a couple corridors was taking so much out of him, then what was a staircase going to do to him. Catching his breath, Eren readied himself and took Hanji’s arm. Each step tugged at muscles he forgot that he had, his esophagus burnt with each breath, and he was about to swear that the floor was moving or maybe it was just his legs shaking again. Being lightheaded from some stairs was pathetic. Grumbling about it, however, couldn’t even begin as Hanji sent him a frigid glare, as if she already knew what he was thinking. 

Unfortunately, just because she could freeze his words on his tongue, it didn’t mean that she could prevent his knee from giving out. Nearly taking a spill on his next step, Eren had to lean into Hanji just to keep himself upright. It was a fair assumption that stairs were not on the list of things he could do with one person alone. At the club, he’d required both Mikasa and Levi to aid him down, but this was ridiculous. Hanji just gave him a molar to molar smile and carried on as if nothing had happened. He was thankful. The last thing he needed was to be given the time to ruminate on that. Instead, he was taken directly into the bedroom assigned to be Hanji’s for the foreseeable future. 

A color scheme set out of chocolate and gold seemed quite fitting for her. It almost reminded him of the scheme he’d seen in one of Marco’s guest bedrooms back in Italy. Camilla really loved her gold, and it was fitting for her too. Gold would always be fit for a queen whether in Italy or stateside. Jean had even gone far enough to gather a small table for her lab equipment if she ever wanted to use it downstairs in the wine making room. Even their own rooms had signal jammers, so maybe Jean really was beginning to act more and more like a spade. At the corner of the desk, he’d fetched her a perfect desk with two chairs. Like he’d known that she’d be entertaining guests at the computer. 

Beckoning him over, Hanji gave a delicate tug and helped him to a seat before taking her own behind the desk. It only took a moment to have her fingers becoming a furious flurry over the keys. Within a matter of minutes she had nearly every document Levi kept at The Ranch pulled up on screen. 

Twisting it around so that he would be able to see it, Hanji began to explain “These are all forms that Levi has to keep in order to continue his employment at The Ranch. Income, dates of dates, length of dates, STD testing, physicals, sexual services rendered, and tax forms. There’s more than you know about his work there.”

Cringing at the thought of those things being recorded by the government, Eren shook his head “Actually, I know about those, for the most part. I have slept with my own boyfriend in that place, you know. Wait a minute.” Guessing correctly that the monitor was touch screen, Eren zoomed into a client date form and checked the date. Scrolling through several forms, all Eren kept seeing in sections of client’s information was “refusal of services by escort.” He really hadn’t slept with anyone, aside from him, since Italy. It was then in the list of files from Levi’s computer that he noticed one in the back. Titled **“Termination of Employment - By Request of Escort.”** Levi was quitting?! 

Why did he need to quit? Last he remembered, Levi specifically told Cathy that he wasn’t going to quit; that the girls there could still rely on him. He really needed to have a serious talk with Levi about it. While he did fully support whatever decision Levi arrived at, he still wanted to let him know that it was okay if he wanted to continue working there. From what he could tell, everyone there loved him, and he loved them too. It was true that he carried a lot of weight on his shoulders with keeping so many jobs, but he’d hate it if he was the root cause of pushing Levi out of it. At the very least, he’d leave that form for Levi to fill out himself. The other forms Eren could fill out with some of Hanji’s help on how to go about gathering up Levi’s basic medical records.

Noticing that he was due for his physical, Eren began to read through his last one. He’d been a, nearly, perfect picture of health before he’d met Eren, and yet there he was with a debilitation wound that he’d found up needing multiple blood transfusions, surgery, and physical therapy for. What if he couldn’t pass it? Was that the reason that he wanted to quit and move on? Eren still couldn’t remember everything from Paris, there were still some gaps in his memories that needed to be filled in. It would be okay, he trusted everyone to fill in what he needed and leave out what he didn’t, but this was important to him. Levi was important, and so was his health. 

Skipping out to run downstairs and grab some copies for Levi, Hanji left Eren to his own devices. Mikasa wouldn’t be home until later in the evening, so there wasn’t much left for him to do aside from school work. If Jean could get through it in a foreign country while Marco was laid up in the hospital then he should be able to do it too. On the other hand, Eren was the one fresh out of a coma, there were some limits that his body reached quite quickly. For the moment Hanji returned, however, he was left to spend the time learning some things from her. After all, if he was to truly be her replacement, he couldn’t continue to have all her pre-programmed applications on his computer without knowing how to fix them, operate them at complete efficiency, and write his own programs or databases if need be. It was wild to believe that he was actually learning how to work things!

Learning how to backdoor into systems was phenomenal, and it appeared that Hanji had been teaching him more than he’d even known along his journey in trying to rescue her. There was still much he needed to learn before he’d be ready to fill her shoes; not that he even liked the idea of the prospect when it was clear they were being targeted. Hanji could certainly take care of herself, but she needed to be. Eren didn’t like the idea of Paris 2.0, but for the time being it was practice and school work. Levi would likely fillet him if he tried to exhaust himself with much more. After he spent a couple hours with Hanji, he retreated back to his and Levi’s room with some assistance. It’d still taken it out of him, but nonetheless he persisted until he was able to sit down in the floor and get some work done.


	3. Revelations

By later in the evening, Mikasa had arrived back at the house. He knew that there was something she wanted to talk to him about, so he did his best to make it to the den. From where he was standing though, judging from the darkening circles beneath her eyes, she was drained and needed to rest herself. He wasn’t going to push her for conversation in his state, so it was probably for the best to leave her be until another time. Retreating back to his room, Eren decided to get back to work for a bit. Keeping his mind busy was a decent substitute for keeping his body busy.

About an hour after she’d returned, Mikasa was knocking softly at the door “Eren?”

“Come in,” Eren answered while finishing up a section of code for his class. Glancing up from his work, Eren watched Mikasa carefully slink into the room before taking a seat in front of him on the floor.

Folding her legs beneath herself, Mikasa smiled softly “Working on classwork?”

“Mhmm,” Eren confirmed with a quick hum. Once he completed the task, he shut his computer and glanced upwards “How was the flight? Everything okay? You seem exhausted.”

“Just a little tired, but I imagine you’ve had a rough day yourself,” Mikasa teased. “I just wanted to see if you were in the mood to talk about what happened while you were out. I know that there might not exactly be a right time, but---”

Nodding, Eren sighed “Tell me everything. I need to know.”

Beginning slowly, Mikasa covered what she’d already told Eren once his memory came flooding back in the hospital “Well, I told you that Levi was the one who dealt with Grisha. Before he found you downstairs, he found Grisha in Kenny’s office, who flipped on Kenny’s location rather quickly once Levi put a bullet in his shoulder. From what I know it was a through and through shot, but he also put one in his knee and shattered the joint all to hell. He’s missing at the moment, but there was something he told Levi that you need to know.”

Eren’s brows knit at the thought, but urged her to continue “Okay, so stop delaying it. I can handle it.”

“Kenny Ackerman was hired by Grisha to kill Carla,” Mikasa stated with a pained wince as the words exited her lips. Clenching his jaw, ire began to boil in his veins when Mikasa’s words began to seep in. How dare he! Fingers balled tightly into fists at his side. Though he felt the red hot rage boiling his temper, he waited to speak as she continued “He said that he’d hired Kenny to kill Carla because, with her insurance policy, he would finally be able to have enough money to disappear and start a new life over. Said that he had to wait a year because they botched it and didn't give her enough sedative in the hospital to actually kill her. You got his debt because he knew they’d come looking for him and kill you anyway.”

Rolling with the punch, Eren took a deep inhale through his nose “Uh huh. Anything else?”

“Not really,” Mikasa shrugged, features contorting with concern “aside from the fact we don’t know where he is, if he’s alive, or what. Eren….what happened in that room?”

Knowing very well that was a secret he’d likely wind up taking to his grave, he reached across to take her hand in his own “I’m okay, Mikasa, that’s all that matters. What happened….you don’t need to know the details. I knew though, that whatever you were going to tell me would stir that question up. He was every second the man we know him to be: a pathetic coward who gets off on inflicting pain to others. There was a light in his eyes in that room….that danced so vividly when he heard someone scream. The next time I see him, **I’ll kill him.** Not Levi, not Marco, not you, not anyone can take that from me. Before I punch a hole in Jean’s nice walls, like a fucking roid-raged meathead, I’m gonna take a walk. I love you, Mika, get some rest, please.” Without even attempting to wait for her response or help in moving, Eren made for the bedroom door.

Working through his anger was something he’d been having troubles with since he was a kid. Eren never exactly had a great outlet for it, as his usual excuse was to funnel into a fight and hit someone. As of late, however, there was one thing that always seemed to help, and it seemed that his younger self was onto something. Fumbling his way down the halls and around the bends of the seemingly endless maze of rooms, Eren once again found himself at the gym. Noting the lack of anyone inside, Eren tied up his hair and rolled his shoulders. Letting out some of the tension and focusing on the item in front of him, Eren took one long draw back to slam his fist into the sand filled leather bag.   
  
Barely retaining the breath to throw another, Eren managed a weaker following punch which only served to redden his knuckles, strip him of breath, and sting all the way up to his shoulder. It hurt like hell, but where else could he vent all his frustration? The anger pent up inside him needed to be released, and he was still holding some in since the abduction. Callous, cruel, absolutely frigid eyes flashed in his head, the sound of his obnoxious chortling at each of his screams; there were some things that would never leave him. Each time he closed his eyes he could still recall the scenario so vividly. He hadn’t the heart to tell Levi about it either; how his touch and every touch was reminding him of his captivity.

It wasn’t as if he blamed Levi for any of it, but he could understand more of Levi’s own apprehension to sudden touch. Being kidnapped and tortured would do that to a person, he supposed. There were just some things he figured that he needed to learn for himself before he went to involve anyone else in it, especially given the current atmosphere. For all intents and purposes, they were on too many lists to count. Hit lists and “Most Wanted” lists being at the top, he was fairly certain that it wasn’t the time to be bringing up his emotional and physical trauma.

Before he could gather his strength to land a third punch, Ymir slipped in behind him to grab his arm and shout “Hey! Hey! Easy!” Glancing to the hand on his bicep, he turned to be met with a furious golden gaze “You’re just gonna hurt yourself! Levi would be upset if you got hurt.”

“Luckily, I don’t care!” Eren returned with an equal shout. Tugging his arm away, Eren narrowed his eyes towards Ymir “So, let me go!”

Sighing, Ymir crossed her arms over her chest “Fine. Tell me what’s got you in a tiff though. Barely can throw a punch or walk, and yet something’s eating you inside out to be down here like this.”

Exhaling a heavy sigh through his nostrils, Eren caved “You hear about my dad?”

“Guessing you just did?” Ymir questioned. At his nod, Ymir then understood and grabbed his wrist. Moving over to the wall, Ymir gestured for him to sit “I’m sorry, Eren. Look, my old man was a right piece of shit too. I get that you’re pissed, but overexerting yourself is gonna ruin you in the long run. We want and need you getting better, not worse. You need to think about that before you run off, half-cocked, full of range and unsettled teenage angst.”

Understanding her place, Eren still had to glare for the last comment “I know, you’re right, but I can’t help it. My first instinct is to hit something, get it out of my body until I’m so tired that I can’t feel it anymore. What were your parents like, Ymir?” At the opportunity presented, Eren felt like he should ask. There wasn’t a whole lot that he knew about Ymir or Krista either. Remedying the situation sounded like a great way to start. After all, if he was to be the Ace of Hearts, as his new title had been bestowed onto him, then it was only fair he get to know them better. Hell, maybe when he was up to it, he’d ask for some training. It was likely he’d wind up in the field with Levi again anyhow, so why not? He already knew he wasn’t half bad at playing pretend when it came down to it.

Ymir took a moment before answering, drowning out his thoughts, “My mom died shortly after I was born, a couple minutes maybe, so I never really got that connection. Instead, I was raised with my father, who I barely remember either. From what I do know, I was taken away from my father after he was killed. My dad worked for Marco’s family, but he betrayed them, and that is a huge no-no for the mob. It’s an even bigger faux pas to Italians. We’re all about our families, Eren, so once they found out he’d betrayed them and used his young daughter as a punching bag? They didn’t like that. Camilla suggested that her friend Stella Martello take me in.”

“Michelangelo's mother, right?” Eren inquired, vaguely recalling that detail.

She nodded “Mhmm. Luca and Stella are my adoptive parents, and I was raised with Michael from the time I was around four years old or so. It’s still a bit fuzzy there, but I see them as the biggest blessing aside from Kris. Even Marco. Just don’t ever tell him I told you that, or I will never hear the end of his smug ass.”

Chuckling, and knowing it’s truth, Eren promised “Sure thing. My lips are sealed. I’m gonna guess that your ‘birth father,’ and I use the term loosely, didn’t exactly get taken out randomly?”

With a shrug, Ymir had to sigh again “Honestly? I still don’t know a whole lot about it, but I know enough. I also know enough to say you took a smart guess; you’re right.. He betrayed Giovanni, Marco’s ‘father,’ and the he made to him Omerta. His oath, his vow of silence, his brotherhood vow - whatever you wanna call it. Breaking that means certain death, and Marco told me the only details that he learned. Doing that went against code, officially, but he did that for me. All I know is that he was killed during a rebellion against Giovanni when the Cancio family was still around.”

“Man, Italian mob politics are wild,” Eren teased playfully “but that sounds about right. Listen, could you, uh, maybe _not_ tell Levi about this whole thing? I’d rather not be on the receiving end of that storm.”

“Not tell Levi what?” Came Levi’s purr from his left.

Cursing his luck, Eren grumbled but at least Ymir agreed “I mean, sure, but you know he’s gonna find out anyway.”

 **“Find out what?!”** Levi barked, gathering their immediate attention.

Knowing there would be no escaping now that he was basically caught, Eren held out his right hand “This.” Gently taking Eren’s hand, Levi’s expression of frustration only deepened. Pad of his thumb brushing across Eren’s reddened and nearly raw knuckles carefully, Levi could only frown. It wasn’t hard to tell that there was disappointment etched into his sharp features, and it certainly wasn’t a stretch once he heard Levi’s tell-tale sigh. Really it was more like a groaning rumble with a sigh at the end, but whatever it technically was, Eren still knew its meaning.

Levi clicked his teeth and dropped Eren’s hand “Tsk. Something made you mad enough for this when you can barely withstand walking around without losing your breath? Hanji told me you almost lost it on the stairs earlier. Eren, you cannot be so reckless anymore. You need to take it easier on yourself!”

Reaching out, Levi placed a hand on Eren’s cheek to which only made him close his eyes and utter a single word “Grisha.”

Snarl twisting his lip, Levi nodded “Ah, so your sister is back then? I should’ve told you something too. My anger got the best of me, and I wanted to get to you and Hanji as quickly as I could….but I shouldn’t have let him live. _I’m sorry.”_

“It’s okay,” Eren reassured, before he took Levi’s hand from his face “because I’d rather kill him myself.”

“You will,” Levi agreed “ _I promise._ Now, c’mon, let’s have our walk now?” Eren winced at the thought, but Ymir’s cackle at Levi’s gentle side making an appearance forced a smile onto his lips instead. Quickly casting her a sharpened backwards glare, Levi sneered and simply grabbed Eren’s hand and placed it to his inner elbow. Walking arm and arm, Levi carefully led him out to the cars in the garage out from the main part of the estate. On the short drive out to the city park, Eren watched Levi carefully. Hair still pulled back, some smaller strands of hair were frayed around his face, and sweat was still lingering on his skin. Shorts, sneakers, and a t-shirt was still such an odd outfit to see him in, but gods be damned if he didn’t possess an innate ability to still make that look heavenly.

Parking by the back entrance of the park, concealing their arrival, Levi was the first out of the car and more than ready to wait on Eren nearly hand and foot. For Levi, the man whom he used to fear, it was such a drastic change. Then again, he loved Levi, and Levi loved him, several things had changed in a such a short time frame of not even half a year. Gladly accepting Levi’s help, Eren took Levi’s hand and intertwined their fingers as they began a walk through the park. It was meant to be explorative of Eren’s bodily limits, but it was also meant to relax the atmosphere. He could tell that Levi was doing his best. In fact, Eren figured that he might lighten the load off Levi’s shoulders a bit.

Raising Levi’s hand to his lips, Eren kissed the back of Levi’s hand “You know, you’re doing well relationshipping.” Shifting an owlish gaze to Eren, Levi’s porcelain skin instantly acquired a rosy hue in his cheeks. Making Levi blush when he was genuine was still one of his favorite things. If Levi could master anything and everything sexual, it was Eren who mastered the rest. He rather enjoyed that they found ways to make up for the slack the other held. Rosy cheeks shortly shifted into merlot when Eren dropped the hold on his hand and instead slipped an arm around his hips. There was a slight jump, as not even Levi was used to the casual touches, but while Eren could call it a sweet gesture, it was truly to conceal the fact he was already struggling.

Finally addressing Eren’s comment as they stepped into the wooded trails, Levi cleared his throat “Thanks, it’s still new.”

“Considering I was practically dead for a month, yeah, I would imagine so,” Eren snickered.

Stopping in his step, Levi turned to face Eren, brows knit, “Really?”

“It’s true,” Eren shrugged, reminding him gently “and if you can’t joke with me about it, you’re only going to make it feel worse.”

Taking a moment to take a breath, Levi gave a short nod before making eye contact “I suppose so, but you should know that it was absolute hell for me, Eren. Having to sit and think about the ‘what-ifs.’ There were so many times that I prayed to a god I didn’t even believe in that you would just wake up. Then, as if by some force, you did….but you couldn’t remember me. All of me broke all over again, Eren, having to look at the man I love and realize that I needed to do what would be best for you….even if that meant not being in your life. At least that way, you’d be safe. You wouldn’t remember what you went through. Like a damn in your mind to keep it all away from you, to protect you.”

Unable to prevent it, Eren wrapped Levi in an immediate embrace “I know. Levi, I do. None of that matters now because I’m here. I’m right here. Yeah, I’m weak, sick, frail, nearly useless, but I’m alive. There was so much that happened while I was out, but you got hurt too, you know. You can’t diminish that just because I got hurt too. What happened to me….I’ll eventually work through it and find a way to use it for the better, like you have all your life. It may take me awhile, but it’s something I need to do myself.”

“Just new scars, some sutures, and blood transfusions,” Levi commented, fingers knotting into Eren’s shirt as his face rested against his shoulder. “I might have lost a lot of blood, but I lived too. The difference is that I’ve had time to heal both body and mind. So far only your bullet wounds have healed. You need to take time for yourself to do just that, but I am here to help you, Eren. Shutting everyone out of your healing isn’t constructive, and having someone to talk to about it? That’s the only way I survived, Eren. You need a healthy outlet. Don’t place this all on your shoulders alone.”

Moving back, Eren placed a soft kiss to Levi’s forehead “I understand. I promise that if I need something, I’ll ask. Mika told me what happened wasn’t very pretty. Just try to not worry so much about me.”

“It wasn’t,” Levi answered quickly “and you know that’s impossible. You mean everything to me, Eren. I need to make sure that you’re always okay. We can even start with exercising together; my core still needs a lot of work, so you can join me.”

“You’re so sweet,” Eren beamed “and your core looked pretty damn fine to me this morning. Is Jean really gonna be good enough?”

Levi rolled his eyes playfully “He’s actually not bad, but he still needs a lot of practice. Real world practice. This line of work is more on the job training than most would suspect. An assignment will show him just how much he has to learn, and he has to fall many times before he will be able to run. All of our scars? Most are from our firsts. So far Jean has worked with Ymir, Krista, and Marco. I’ve got some faith in him, so you should too. You know, he was incredibly worried about you.”

Eren chuckled “Yeah, I can see that. I’ll be keeping an eye out for a good contract. Jean is such an absolute fucking dork, but I am happy for him. When he got involved, I admit, I had my worries, but now it seems he’s found his place.”

“We all had our worries,” Levi snickered “but he’s proving a great asset. After all that we’re gonna be out, we need him. Could use you at the helm too, after you heal up.”

“Bet Marco’s pissed he can’t go out yet,” Eren cringed, thinking of how volatile that conversation had to have been.

Whistling lowly, Levi nodded “Whew, yeah, incredibly so. It’s actually kinda funny for me, because I’ve only ever known him as an assassin.”

Imagining that it must be a good bit amusing, Eren gave a nod “Oh, I can imagine. Now, tell me something. I got your paperwork done except one file. I’m about betting you can tell me which one that is.”

“My quitting. Yeah, I’m not gonna have the time to do it. There’s too much to do around here, there are going to be plenty of international trips coming up, and I’m not going to endanger more people with us being targets. I’ve got you to take care of as well,” Levi explained. “Isabel is here for a time being too, in case you forgot. Paris isn’t safe for her right now, so she’s agreed to take my place for a little bit. Being French, she’ll get a good bit of clientele here. People seem to love that.”

Smirking, Eren shrugged “I mean, I dunno, I certainly don’t find it appealing at all whatsoever. An accent? Not attractive in the least. French and sex? Those two things definitely don’t go together at all.”

“Oh, chut,” Levi droned playfully at Eren’s sarcastic quip. “Besides, she’s calling it a working vacation, and Cathy is thankful for the help while we’re gone. If we need her, I can call her in. Don’t be worried about it, okay? You’ve seen that I’ve not been to my scheduled appointments. I’ve cancelled them long before Paris. I’ve just not felt right since you.”

Wincing a bit, Eren frowned “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Levi reassured sweetly “Cathy has known my intentions for a good while now. You were bad for one business, but you’re perfect for others.”

Managing a half smile, Eren conceded “If you say so, my love. How are you feeling? After Jean’s intensive training and now, are you alright to be doing this much?”

“I’m a little spent,” Levi answered honestly before brushing it off “but our walk should be just fine.”

Continuing their pace, Eren decided to investigate “Alright, so what’s up with the game plan for the assassin group?”

“Put all boots and ears to the ground until we get something,” Levi grumbled “it’s the only hope we’ve got right now. Until then, go on about average life.”

Nodding along, Eren had to admit he was thankful “Okay, that’s not too terrible. I go back to work in two weeks, but I’ll get some basic contract stuff done for you guys until then.”

“Oh? So I get you all to myself for two weeks?” Levi questioned, eyes glimmering with a hint of mischievousness.

Quirking a brow, Eren couldn’t help but notice the teasing tone “Mhmm, careful though, you wouldn’t want to look so excited. It might make me think you have plans.

“But of course I’ve got plans,” came Levi’s swift reply. “What kind of man would I be if I didn’t?”

“Guess I shouldn’t really be surprised,” Eren huffed teasingly.

“Taking you on an actual date might be too much for now,” Levi explained before gesturing an arm at the scenery “but going for a simple walk in the park to enjoy each other’s company?”

“So we’re on one of your crafty little plans right now,” Eren snickered, knowing he’d been ensnared in Levi’s spider web, “I’ve appeared to have lost my edge.”

Unable to resist taking a jab, Levi replied “Wasn’t a sharp one to begin with!”

“You ass!” Eren replied with narrowed eyes. Giving him a bit of a shove off the path, but once Levi returned it, Eren had nearly fallen. Levi quickly reached out to keep him from eating dirt, and Eren was thankful for Levi’s reflexes.

Levi sighed “Gonna have to get you back into shape, cat thief.”

“Don’t think that I’ll be doing any recon and retrieval jobs for you anytime soon,” Eren stated with a shrug.

Pausing again, Levi placed his thumb and forefinger on Eren’s chin “No, probably not, but I do have a job for you, Ace of Hearts. _Get better._ It pains me to see you suffering like this. Should I be able to ease your pain in _any_ manner, let me know.”

“Oh?” Eren chuckled, lifting his brows in a feigned surprise. He should’ve known he’d get that offer sooner or later. “I’ll be sure to remember that. Right now, I’m thinking that after this walk a good shower will work wonders.”

Wolfish grin splitting his lips, Levi smirked “I can manage that.”

Dragging him back along the walk, Eren remarked “You’re going to be terrible for my health.”

In response, Levi shrugged it off “Never said _how_ we should be getting all that exercise. It definitely has a place among the ideas, but I promise I’ll be nothing but excellent for you.”

“Figured as much,” Eren commented before Levi took him by surprise. With Eren much easier to drag about, Levi just tugged on his wrist and pulled him into his chest. Without a moment to think, Eren suddenly found himself with Levi’s arms thrown around his neck and his lips pressed firmly to his own. Indulging in a slow, passionate kiss lingering with every ounce of missed connection and heat, Eren allowed himself to lose all thought. For the time being, all he wanted was Levi and the way just a kiss could blank his mind, forcing him to forget all woes for a couple seconds. Focusing only on Levi and the way he begged instantly for a deeper kiss, Eren discovered that he was glad the walk was all part of Levi’s plan to learn how to actively be in a relationship.

Pulling himself back, Levi sighed and stole another kiss “God, I missed you. It’s been far too long since I’ve been able to kiss you like that.”

Deciding that he’d always have a good rise at teasing him, Eren toyed with the longer bits of hair at Levi’s nape “Surely a kiss wasn’t enough to get the great Ace’s collar a bit hot.”

“Mhmm, you know you’ve always had an adverse affect on me,” Levi replied with a flirty tone. “Could also be me feening.”

“In that case, let’s hurry and get back after our walk,” Eren winked, urging Levi to hurry along. Placing a bit of pep in his step, Levi gladly followed along. By the time Eren began to get winded beyond the point of rest helping, Levi got him back to the car to rest. They were both covered in sweat and disgusting, but they didn’t much care about it. Grabbing some dinner while they were out, simply rolling through a drive through, was enough to sate them. Heading back to eat, they opted to seclude themselves away from everyone else. Eating dinner in their room, by themselves, enjoying each other was the perfect end to the day. Eren had Levi draped over him, glasses perched on the tip of his nose as he doubled checked all of the paperwork, and Eren busied himself with finishing up more school work.

Once they were finished, they both just wanted a moment to themselves. Quiet and peaceful, laying together and curled up in the bed with each other was a precious way to relax. Neither of them had to say a single word. It was all understood with each stolen look and barely lingering touch. Likely one of his favorite parts of being with Levi, the unspoken comfort he found in just being with him. Still flinching at touch when he couldn’t see it, Eren wasn’t having too much of a difficult time, but Levi was observant. He’d wait until his hand was in Eren’s field of vision before skimming his fingers over his skin. To Eren, the fact he wasn’t moving to the shower already made him wonder why he was so apprehensive. Levi was never so slow to touch him, and given how long it’d been since they’d even been able to kiss one another, he expected a little more.

Deciding he should be the one to make the first effort, he climbed out of bed immediately drawing Levi’s attention. The moment his feet hit the ground, Levi got down and met him around the bed.

“Hey, you said you wanted a good shower, right? Let’s go,” Levi offered without any hesitation. Taking his hand, Levi led Eren to the bathroom and took no pause before understanding Eren’s initial reaction “You’re scared of it, aren’t you?”

Unsure of what he meant, Eren tugged his shirt overhead and knit his brows “What do you mean?”

Following suit, Levi hung his shirt on the doorknob “Touch.” Stopping in front of him, Levi clicked his teeth “You think I wouldn’t notice? I have the same aversion, and so does your sister. Don’t you think I’d understand, Eren? You don’t need to hide it from me.”

A bit hesitant to answer, Eren paused before sighing “I know you understand, but I didn’t expect to have to tell you. I was honestly hoping you wouldn’t bring it up.”

“Because it makes you feel inhuman and weak?” Levi questioned before outstretching his hand. Holding it in position so that Eren could see him, Levi carefully laid his hand on Eren’s cheek “It’s okay, I get it, but you used to love when I touched you. I noticed you didn’t flinch when you were nearly asleep, or if you could see me, but the moment you couldn’t tell where it was coming from your eyes immediately went to scan the area. Make me a promise, Eren.”

Chewing his lip, an anxious habit, Eren nodded “What promise is that?”

“That you’ll let me help,” Levi posed “and I have some ways that might help.”

He had to admit he was curious “And what ways are those exactly?”

“Starts here,” Levi answered, lifting Eren’s hand and placing it to his chest. The action reminded him of the time after he’d slept with Levi for the first time. Levi had done the same action, and he was once again staring down that devilish smile. “Let’s do this every week. I’ll at least get you used to my touch again. We’ve both been tortured, Eren, _quite literally,_ so let’s at least manage trusting each other for the moments we have to ourselves.” Silently nodding, Eren had to show the agony on his face. He’d always want to touch Levi and the same could be said in return, but he understood why Levi was always jumpy. Now Levi could understand, and he could help with a sensual shower? Couldn’t exactly turn that down, and he realized there wasn’t much he could hide from Levi anyway. Ymir was right; he’d find out anyway.

Stepping out of his pants should have come easy, but he’d caught his sweats around his ankle and nearly fell into the stall wall. Both had a laugh over it, but Levi finally gave Eren control over something he’d been waiting for. Giving him free reins to do as he wished, Eren slid his hands up Levi’s chest, noticing the sharp inhale as his hand laid on his skin. Tracing down Levi’s newest scar, Eren followed it down again, like he’d done in the hospital. For now, he could search Levi’s face as he did so. Levi wasn’t faltering at all, in fact, he was nearly stoic as he regarded Eren and every glide of his hand.

“Adds character,” Eren smirked “to go with the plenty of others….but this one is _different.”_

“The one I got for you,” Levi finished “will always be the most important. Everything that came out of Paris, Eren, has its place inside us. We either overcome it, or it devours us. In my weakness, you’ve been the strongest. Let me return that favor. Tell me about it.” What Levi was asking was far too difficult to do. There was barely enough courage inside himself to begin thinking about it; he didn't have any to spare when it came to telling Levi. Not yet. 

Refusing to meet his gaze, Eren whispered _“I can’t.”_

“When you can,” Levi began, lifting his chin, “I will be here for you to lean on. Until then, we can enjoy this touch therapy. _All hands.”_ Stripping from his shorts, Levi then shimmied out of his boxers and held out his hand. Turning on the shower water, Levi calmly awaited Eren to join him. It was still so strange for him, but he wondered if this had ever been asked of Levi before. Mostly he knew that he, himself, would turn 50 shades of fuchsia being naked with Levi in the shower. Sex was still a bit awkward at times, but getting soapy with his boyfriend in the shower was new and exciting.

Noticing his slower pace, a salacious smirk curled Levi’s lips. Slinking up to him once in the shower, Levi placed a hand just above his navel. Eren fought the slight flinch, knowing it was only Levi, but was unable to prevent it. Kissing him to take him by surprise, Levi placed his hands on Eren’s waist and tugged him towards the water. Too busy enjoying Levi’s kiss, Eren hadn’t even offered a care to the moment the shower head doused them in water. Smiling, Levi let out a little laugh that Eren would've sworn could have made angels weep. Levi laughing would always get to him; he imagined that Levi never had many reasons to laugh or smile. There he was though, showering and having fun with a smile and a laugh with the love of his life.

Washing each other’s skin was certainly sensual and teasing, but Levi never once sought to turn it into anything else. A shower like theirs already had ulterior motives, and it was to get them both used to the others touch again. At least Eren didn’t have to hide it, and Levi was willing to wait for when he could discuss it at length. In Levi’s words, he’d found there to be more truth and even more support for what he was dealing with. Levi had fought the same issue for over a decade, and he should’ve remembered that. Hanji knew the details of the torture, most of them, and Levi knew how to deal with the aftermath. Maybe he should lean on them both?   
  
After their shower, Levi brought back another memory for Eren. Towel drying his hair for him, Eren sat down and let Levi continue until the ends of his hair no longer dripped beads of water. Once they’d both gotten into their boxers, the last step for the night was for Eren to take his medication. He’d grimaced at the thought, but he knew that it was important. Levi watched him, not unlike a hawk, while he took them. It probably wasn’t to ensure he took them, but likely so he could immediately whisk him to the bed. He’d never mind that; Levi’s love for cuddling in his sleep. He couldn’t ever blame him for loving the feel of his boyfriend against him, he loved it too, so at least he could do that. Tangling their limbs, pulling the blankets to Levi’s chin, and Eren’s arm slung over Levi’s midsection, it would be a good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive my tired grammar errors. I'll go over them at some point! I've been up a while and this is the first draft. Do remember, this is only the first chapter. Information will be released when it is planned to be released. Not everything from A Shining Spade will be discussed, but the important plot pieces tying into this work's plot will be discussed when I plan to release it. 
> 
> As always a playlist for you all to enjoy. It's incomplete, but songs are added quite often
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist Here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/kattheirin/playlist/2qpHgGTsGnb9p96Ru9GjjM?si=rnT8s296TcWk844XTF0FCg)  
> 


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